My husband and I entered into our relationship with reckless abandon. We turned our lives inside out, upside down, shook everything all around, and came out the other side together and very much in love. We each left marriages that weren't right for us, and we dealt with the consequences of making such huge life changing decisions. Through all of that the answer to every question was always "it doesn't matter as long as we're together". We were sure to get married about a week after we were legally able to be married. I fell quickly into the role of loving wife, step-mother to his two children, mommy to our two dogs, and homemaker. Moving right along telling myself that what other people think doesn't matter to me. The answer to every question always remaining to be "it doesn't matter as long as we're together". My husband and our relationship truly makes me want to be the best person I can possibly be.
So why is it that even after venturing through all of the drama and the hard times suddenly what people think matters more to me than before? My yoga practice has helped me in so many ways in my daily life. I've learned to be able to tell myself that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be, to accept me for who I am. When I'm thinking about and dealing with just me, that is usually a practice that works for me. For some reason when my husband is thrown in the mix this concept is much harder for me. I worry about what his family thinks of me and our relationship. I worry about being compared to his ex-wife and dealing with her temper tantrums. I worry about being the right type of step-mother to the kids. I worry so much that I grow extremely frustrated with myself and the situations we tend to be in as a couple.
Somewhere along the line, recently, I stopped thinking "it doesn't matter as long as we're together". I started thinking "what if others don't understand why my husband turned his life upside down for us?!" and "what if my husband starts to wonder why he turned his life upside down for me?!".
The question I'm pondering now is how to change the way I am feeling. I am truly happy with where I am in my life. So how do I stop the negative self-talk from sneaking in and sabotaging things for us?
